You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
