Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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