but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
