Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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