I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
