i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
