you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
