My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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