i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
