I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
