UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
