i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
