The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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