I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
