Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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