Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
