amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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