at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
