literally had 100 drinks last night.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
