if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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