I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She just used a chaser for red wine.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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