just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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