yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize