if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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