If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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