please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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