seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
