Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
