AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
