fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
you inspire me to be a worse person
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize