I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
