your parents love me but you hate me
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
