Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
