I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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