We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
