i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Two words: nipple clamps
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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