imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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