I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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