Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
