My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
