I am midnight drunk by noon
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We were destined to go to rehab together
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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