Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
