it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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