I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
