I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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