all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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