So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
