me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
