I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
