If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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