I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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