just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
