I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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