i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
two words: eviction party
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
