He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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