im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
