I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
