It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
