I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
