my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
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