Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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