today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
