So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
