Who wears a wallet chain?!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
and i looked up. we had an audience...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
