Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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