Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize