I'm jealous of your bromance
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
