I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
