I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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