I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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