This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
