we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
