Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
