turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
