Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
