dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
