Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
