the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
