i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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