College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
