he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
