You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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