True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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