i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
