And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
