it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
