She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
