1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Holy shit dude........stairs
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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