Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
