I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
