4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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