I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
