I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
