Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
