Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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