Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
