so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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