His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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