I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
