My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
