Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
