Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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