what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't put those talents on a resume
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
