Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You were trust falling into bushes
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize